Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Splitting into 2--- screaming and hissing "no one had mercy on me so why should i be merciful" and then feeling guilty and apologising to no one and i'll start whimpering and feeling sorry.
And I'm not even talking to anyone. And then this continues on and i feel v dizzy and then i want to sleep.
God Jesus! please be with me!
Monday, November 28, 2005
i really like this picture of me. i think it captures my essence quite well. the tentative smile and pensive, melancholic, thoughtful eyes.
I think i'm going nuts. Like spliting into 2--- one side, the "normal" me: chirpy, smiley, spoilt, cute, friendly, very loving, childish, hyperactive and a bit of a maniac; the other side: jaded, cruel, cold, angry, bitter, depressive, reticient and cynical. And it in these 2 extremes that i'm fluctuating. I will call the earlier one A and the latter B. And then there is C: the in between when i feel empty and tired and i just want to sleep.
And i'm screaming silently and crying and going crazy. Going mad and wanting to lash out.
I can't remember the last time i was truly happy :(
Christ Jesus! Please Lord, help me. I am so lost and hurt and i dunno what i'm doing. there are voices talking and telling me to do bad stuff. God! Help! :'( I am desperate Heavenly Father. I dunno what's going on. And i have a history exam to study. God, please be with me. Help me.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
this was on jo's laptop for a while and i love it. the young hammies--- wilbur, jamesallen, elmo punk and mum, garang hammy. wilbur isn't in this picture cos he like the human wilbur, likes to be alone.
young hammy drinking water. heng that God taught them how to use the waterbottle. dont think hammies are instinctively know how to work it.
male hammy. he loves the attention of pple, and got v grumpy and started to bite when we didnt spend enough time with him, so we gave him to the triplets, one of whom really wanted a hamster and could provide him with the attention he really wanted
fatass is suspicious of the outside world. she often looks out of her little window to see if we're doing anything dangerous to her cage. she doesnt like it when we clean her cage either or refill her water, and will try to grab at the bottle to prevent me from taking it away.
decided to give elmo a "Christmas experience" by taking a photo of her w the Christmas bear. she doesnt like it. duh.