Suffering from depression. Again. And i NEED to be closer to God. Feeling spiritually dry these past few days. I have no idea why and i'm scared that something real terrible will happen to me cos God will use that to draw me near to Him. Does God do such things? Dunno. But then again i know that if nothing bad happens, people won't grow spiritually--- we're just like that, complacent lazy folks.

I made up with darling in the wee hours of saturday. That was good. Praise God for that! He taught me how to play spider solitaire and, again Praise God, i am pretty good at it. Have been playing a lot of card games recently. Good for the brain. And have been slacking also. Me and yinghui are the only 2 pple not working i guess. But school had been so tiring and i think we really need the break. Others may have the energy to go around working, but i really really want to rest.

It's nice being with joseph cos i get to do what i want most of the time since he's very easy going and loving. I, on the other hand, am an immature spoilt brat. So darling comes to take care of me. But now, i have to learn to be a better person. God please help me in this cos it's hard for me. I am learning to be 1. more independent and not requiring joseph to take care of me all the time 2. more patient with the mistakes he makes cos he doesn't do it intentionally. I dunno why but i'm very moody and overly sensitive and i get upset easily. All traits which aren't good and NEED changing... fast!

Darling jo has been doing my jigsaw puzzle for me cos i've been too busy playing spider solitaire. Heheh. I really like it when darling's around. He gives lots of big hugs and he's just nice and comfortable to be with. I like his friendly smiley face, and hugging him et al cos my body fits in very comfortably with his, as though we 2 were made just for each other. I like resting my head on darling's shoulder and leaning into his neck whilst sitting on his lap and hugging him. Darling makes me feel safe. BUT 2 things to note: 1. safety and security come from God, who is the only constant thing ever 2. I need to be more independent.

I will try my bestest.

Darling says i run really fast and jump really high :) no one's praised me or said i was good at anything for a very long time. He says that i'm really good at card games cos i solved the spider solitaire much much faster than he did and picked it up real quick :D Today, darling and me are going to "toast" for a nice breakfast. Teehehe. So i guess i better sleep soon. In the meantime, i shall just jott down a brief shopping list here of things to buy:

1. skirt, cos my current denim mini is waaaay too short
2. handbag
3. new shoes
4. nice tops and tees
5. henry miller and duke ellington cd
6. a book, either freakonomics or the final solution by michael chabon or 84 charing cross road
7. jewelled slippers

I hope mummy helps buy some of the stuff. God, please bless and protect my family, including the hammies, por por, rose and sue. In Jesus' name, AMEN!
- posted by gail @ 1:14 PM