So this is where it all ends. First the bad dream, next the confirmation that he can't leave, and why can't he? It's not so important, he can fake an injury, there will be someone eager for hall points who might could take his place. I hate it all. So i shall just move on, and maybe take a flight to somewhere to ease my mood, and when school starts, look again. This is what i want:

1. must be old and mature
2. can spend time with me and look after me
3 is nice to me, loves me and is sensitive to my needs
4. doesnt want kids
5. doesnt mind having a cat

That's all. Ben will be back, there's also jacky and hamilton? Dunno. Dun care. I've stopped caring. I just want this hurting feeling to go away, this pain and sadness. I just want to be happy this holiday season.

Maybe joseph and I are not "meant to be", if such a thing actually exists.

1. he molested me
2. he suggested going out to some other girl's party on my birthday
3. he can't even give up something so simple for me, even though he claims to give me anything i want all the time
4. the last time we used to fight a lot everytime before going out on fridays

I hate him. For breaking his promise that he can give me anything i want. For promising to leave hall and not leaving in the end.

- posted by gail @ 7:29 AM