Thursday, December 23, 2004
madness, she wrote
Dear God,

What happened? Why did i suddenly go crazy? Did i do anything wrong? Is this my cross to carry? WHy am i over sensitive? I'm hurting like crazy. Please talk to me and comfort me. Make my tears go away and dry them. Help me not to be so sad so often. Please give me your joy and your peace, and let me feel your love. Oh God, where did i all go wrong? Why is it that i don't remember a specific and substantial part of my life where i was truly happy. I hate my parents for having so many kids. I didn't have a happy childhood. I remember the fighting for attention, the noisiness, the squeezeness, the fighting, competition and rivalry, and a lot of unhappiness. My only happiness then came from my frens. I felt so starved. God, where did it all go? I can only remember unhappy birthdays. I don't remember happy ones. I remember when i started going mad--- 1st in pri 4, then in sec 2. Ands this madness seems to be unending and everchanging. OCD, anorexia, bulimia, compulsive eating, schizophrenia, depression and now, bipolar. God, please, tell me what's causing this. Is this craziness also responsible for my genius? If the craziness go, will my intellect and wit go too? Jesus God, take my life. Please.

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